I think I made a mistake coming back to London. I should have stayed home where I belong, spending time with people I love and those who love me... There were many reasons why I wanted to come back here but now I feel as if none of them hold good any more...I don't think there is anything left for me here ... I feel an unnamed hostility in the air which urges me to leave as soon as possible...There no more is any reason for me to stay here...I wonder if it was ever there in the first place... I don't know if all those arguments and all the convincing it took for my parents to allow me to come back here was worth it , because after all that, I came here  to  feel like an unwanted guest at a wedding...

I wish all that hadn't happened...I wish I hadn't come back...I wish I hadn't come to London in the first place...I wish I'd gone anywhere else in the world but here...I wish I could rewind the past three years to right where I was before, to who I was before...I wish I had never met some people,never came into contact with them...

Sometimes , just sometimes I wish I could just stop breathing and be done with it...So I don't have to get up every morning to go through the same shit all over again... I wish...